MATERNITY: A SERIES OF SORTS

I've unearthed chapter two of my final year's Maternity: The Series blog post. You can read chapter one here. Enjoy!

Chapter Two: Specimen

Specimen A: Fat, Fertile, Females

You’d think they’d be a merry bunch of moms-to-be, glowing with a wonderful radiance of baby joy, light from their happy faces turning everything into gold or sparkly unicorns or Ribeena.

But no.

Bellies protruding, shalwars askew

They’re busy sharing their blood-curdling cries with the general room.

They’ve stuff ranging every shape, size and colour popping out of them any place, any time, the hygienest of which is their urine dripping Foleys.

Specimen B: Nazi Nurses

A sisterhood to beware of, competent yet sulky

They’re a right cross between Hitler and Hulky.*

Nurses. The ultimate power steaming houses of the ward. Smile at them and they’ll teach you how to pass an IV. Frown and you’ve earned yourself the fury of the Fuehrer. Naughty, Nazi Nurses.

*Hulky: a female counterpart of the Hulk.**

**Yeah it’s on the lame side… but jeez I had to rhyme.

Specimen C: Bachelorette PGs

Mad on the inside, fuming on the out

Give it up for livid banshees who scold and shout!

I’m not sure if it’s the tough schedule that they have, the illiterate patients that they have to deal with, too many females being cramped up in too little a space or the fact that the fingers they’re using to deliver kids are still ring less. Probably an amalgam of everything mentioned. With a few exceptions, most of the PGs are livid. Irate. Furious. I’ve never seen doctors this rude ever. They yell, shout, holler at the poor moms-to-be, curse them for not arranging blood on time and when scrape goat med kids are in sight… well you can guess what happens. You wilt faster than you can say salted earthworms. So beware the Bellowing Banshees!